It is indeed easier to say a 'yes', but at what price for your peace of mind? Tanya Datta asks experts how to get that word on your tongue. Saying 'No' can be very difficult for people with low self esteem, lack an assertive nature and want to meet everyone's expectations. Is it common for you that you are trying to squeeze in time for yourself in between tight deadlines and long working hours? Well then all you need to do is learn the gentle art of saying no! Most often than not, just to do well in our lives and be in the good books of everyone, whether it is our personal or professional space, we end up taking a lot than we can handle.
Know your prioritiesYou might be having too much on your to-do list, but that does not mean you let things control your life. Rather you should be the captain of your own ship. Learning how to organise your priorities might seem a herculean task but this is the first step towards having a grip on your life. Says Prabhakar Diwedi, an HR professional, "I learnt my lesson the hard way round I had this habit of taking on a lot of responsibilites thinking. I could handle everything easily. Before I knew it, people were piling up things on me seeing my track record of taking on things without any problem. This habit of mine backfired and somehow I managed to put a stop on it by simply declining things."Prabhakar's mornings and nights were spent in the office doing work meant for other people. He learnt that it is best to negotiate things rather than completely declining offers.
Be firm in your approach
Clinical psychologist and psychotherapist, Dr Veena Chakravarthy says, "You need to be firm on your approach. One cannot possibly please everyone at everytime. You have to realise that it is not the person you are turning down, whether it is your friend, relative or collegue, it is the idea or situation that you are not comfortable with. Everyone is entitlted to have their own choice and opinions. You need to see what you can actually contribute to the bigger picture and if you are doing justice to yourself and your work."
Diplomacy at its best
You can say what you feel but when you add a tinge of diplomacy it wil do you more good than anything else. You have to remember one thing that you do not owe anyone any explanations. The decision should be upto you and after saying so there is no need to fret about what the other person will think about you. For Ananya Deshmukh, a banker, who when started off with her career did not turn down anything fearing she may miss out on an opportunity. It was when she started missing her deadlines and her work started getting affected that she realised what is wrong, "I was very enthusiatic when I started off. So I never said no to my senios just in the hope that will be be impressed with me and my capabilities. But it was only time that made me realise what I had gotten myself into. With so much work on hand I started missing deadlines and my work used to be anything but perfect."
Always saying 'yes' isn't healthy
Clinical psychologist and psychotherapist Dr Rachna Kothari feels that one has to envisage the negative repurcussions of saying yes all the time, "If you say yes to things you already know are beyond your reach, control or capability; then you might be more prone to stress after committing the same. You then end up having a double problem! First, you said a 'yes' instead of a 'no' and second you need to make that yes possible."
She also advises that you need to pause, think and then answer.
AT LAST A SELF DECLARATION,IN PAST 2 MONTHS I HAVE LEARNT TO SAY 'NO' WHICH WAS REALLY HARD FOR ME AS WELL. YOU CAN'T IMPOSE/EXPECT THINGS FROM OTHERS(it can be your friends,relatives,collegues) SO ITS OUR JUDGEMENT WHAT WE WANT AND HANDLE THE SITUATION KEEPING YOURSELF COOL.
